Carlson

John Carlson: Ok, Folks, So Here’s The Story

By John Carlson— Indiana’s fabled Story Inn is situated south of Nashville, amid thick woods and steep hills where driveways angle skyward at trajectories more commonly found on amusement park thrill rides. Following State Road 135’s twists and turns, every mile seems to take you farther and farther into the past until suddenly you enter the town of Story, population three. You spot the funky old inn, its metal siding stained orange with rust, plus some scattered cabins. Just beyond…

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John Carlson: In Spiral-Cuts, What Goes Around…

By John Carlson— Yeah, OK, sure, I get it.  The 21st Century is a time of marvelous achievement, what with all the electronic advancements and stuff. But there’s an even more remarkable advancement, one in a totally different field of endeavor, that too often we take for granted. Spiral-cut ham. Now, before continuing, I regret starting off any piece of writing with references to modern advancements, be they in the fields of personal communications or meat. Anymore, “the latest exciting…


John Carlson: ‘Gimme Greens On The Side’

By John Carlson— Nancy was rooting around a desk drawer recently when what to her wondering eyes should appear but a restaurant gift certificate sent by my beloved Aunt June. “Eureka!” she hollered, or words to that effect. So five minutes later she had her hair combed, while I had ditched my pajama bottoms and pulled on some actual pants. Two minutes after that we were speeding toward the nearest Cracker Barrel, visions of down-home cookin’ dancing in our heads….


John Carlson: Another Week On The Beach

By John Carlson— Welcome to another edition of “What I Did On My Vacation.” Arriving at our usual Florida hangout last week, Nancy and I hightailed it up past our knees into the frothy surf while my buddy, Jimmy Hayes, waved his smart phone to greet us. “Smile, honey!” I urged as we faced him, the dazzling sunlight illuminating our ghostly pale epidermal skin layers. But Jimmy just laughed. “I’m not taking your picture!” he said. “I’m showing you a…


John Carlson: No Skating Around The Issue

By John Carlson— Every year about this time, winter’s last gasps remind me how happy I am to be too old to ice skate. As kids, my sister Patty and I skated a lot. Home being right off Lake Erie in northern Ohio, where winters were invariably a pain in the tush, our city operated two municipal ice-skating rinks. These were fine facilities, with buildings for skaters to warm themselves in, hot chocolate on tap, and Zamboni ice machines to…


John Carlson: Decisions, Decisions…

By John Carlson— A while back I saw where some Hoosier lawmaker was proposing popcorn be named Indiana’s official snack. All I could think was, seriously? In desperate times like these, shouldn’t our Legislature undertake a more serious line of inquiry, such as deciding the state’s official double-cheeseburger, which happens to be served at the Workingman’s Friend tavern in Indy? So anyway, go ahead and call me provincial, but the whole popcorn thing is NOT OK with me … ……


John Carlson: Think This Was A Storm? Nah…

By John Carlson— Hoosiers and countless other Americans sat around last week waiting for “Snowmageddon 2021” to hit but, assuming you don’t live in Texas, it was hard to take things too seriously. After all, we survived The Blizzard of ’78. That storm’s 43rd anniversary snuck past me a short while back, but for anyone who shivered through it, the blizzard remains a sharply defined memory. Being a young reporter for The Evening Press back then, I had a perfect…


John Carlson: Tasty Steaks Here Are Rare

By John Carlson— Ahhhh, steak! In meat matters it’s the Big Kahuna, right? The Top of the Heap! Numero Uno! The Prince of Protein! The Maven of Marbling! The … Well, you get the idea. While I’ve eaten some great steaks in my life, I’ve also eaten some lousy ones, so I’d say I’m batting about .400. This would make me a super-star in baseball, but in terms of steak? Not so much. That’s because when it comes to my…


John Carlson: The Password? Uhhh, I Dunno

By John Carlson— Every now and then I wake up in the middle of the night bathed in a cold sweat, screaming something like, “RINKY-DINK-DOUBLE-OH-SEVEN!!!” My computer password nightmare has struck again. Indeed, password overload may be a Top Five candidate for the worst things about life in the 21st Century. In my horrific dream, forgotten passwords surround me, ominously closing in as I desperately try to remember the one that will make them disappear. Odd? Sure. Stupid? Why, of…


John Carlson: Now THAT’S a Seed Catalog!

By John Carlson— You know you’re looking at an incredibly beautiful seed catalog when you get emotional over pictures of vegetables. I mean, sure, I’ve bawled over food photos before. But that’s been when confronted with, say, a particularly poignant pepperoni pizza picture. And sometimes I’ve choked up and shed a tear or two at the shot of a full basket of barbecued buffalo wings, photographed in the shadow of a frosty 32-ounce mug of luscious Mexican beer. Or most…